Monday, Wednesday, Friday, for instance, I'd have a husband. We'd live together. We would talk. We would laugh and share and fight and have good sex and awful sex. He'd wash my hair in the shower, I'd wish to god he didn't snore. I'd put on my fucking headphones to drown out the sound, but not be able to sleep on account of the earpeace digging into my ear while my head was pressed into the pillow. He'd wonder why I did yoga first thing in the morning. I'd wish he wasn't such a slob in the bathroom, and wonder why he didn't do the dishes as quickly as I would (meaning why does he leave them stacked up for days?). So on and so forth.
Ah, but then, the dawn would set (or the dusk, depending on how much 'in love' we felt on any given day), and the next day would come. The 'not married' day. Say it was a Tuesday. He would go back to his cave, or apartment, or fancy condo or shack, and I would be SINGLE and alone and independent and free. Free from worrying about him. Free from confrontation. Free from having to cook for two. Free from compromise. Free from the sound of the television if I weren't the one to turn it on. Free from having our things mixed up in the closet. Free free free. Everything in the apartment mine mine mine.
You might say to me: But Jinnene, it already happens this way, it's called dating, being in a committed realtionship without kids. Fine, call it what you want. But are we really committed if we're not married? And what if we want to have kids? I guess that's an entirely different topic altogether. My parents would tell me--that's where my little fantasy remains what it is: mere fantasy. To have children, we all probably agree, man AND wife need to be around MWF, TTr, and even on SaSu. That adds up to all the fucking days in the week! Good grief.
So about the economy. We talk about how shabby it is and I talk about how I'm tired of hearing about it. I'm tired of seeing everyone in this constant state of depression. I mean I understand it, but it's still, well, depressing. So what does this have to do with sex and marriage? Well I guess it doesn't have anything to do with it, other than the fact that it-the shitty economy-is a contemporary concept. It's a 'today' thing. But there's another 'today' thing, which is: there are a hell of a lot of women like me, who don't know if they need to get married and have sex all the time with one man...like...ever.
But this poses a problem. If we stop marrying because women are unsure they should keep marrying just for the sake of it, then our economy continues to tank because we're not perpetuating households and putting windfalls of cash back into the market. Furthermore, we're not bringing up responsible, educated families. The very fabric of our society: our family values, are being smashed to smitherines. And I, me, in my selfish regard to keep the TTr schedule, or the TTrSaSu schedule of being all about me me me and not all about man man sex sex compromise, am contributing to this crumbling of household.
Alas, what can be done? My dad would agree with me, and god bless him for doing so, that I or we or anyone, can't just 'couple' simply because it's good for the economy or society. We have to do what's good for us. What's good for me is holding out for true love, if it even exists. God I hope it does. In the meantime, I guess I'll keep my M-Su schedule, that is--M-Su: 'married', participating parties: me and my invisible husband called myself. Hmm, yeah, I think that's what I'll do. May our dear, frail little economy find the mend.
Oh and by the way: now there are only 14 days until spring, and it's daylight savings time tonight. Hail hayzoose, the winter is about to shrivel up and die...or at least for another two months until next winter as it goes in Chicago. Hugs and happy flowers.
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